Chapter 5: Men, The Forbidden Touch
- Manhood Shitty Shit
- Jun 18, 2018
- 8 min read
Updated: Jan 8, 2020
Chapter 5: Men, The Forbidden Touch
``I don't trust men. All touch is sexually suspect.``
- Someone somewhere –
For this chapter, I want to talk about how men are isolated emotionally and physically in today's world, and how we see and are seen by others regarding physical contact.
Today, men are seen as creepy. We are not trusted, and almost all physicals interactions that a man initiates fall under the lens of suspicion. We frame all contact by men as being intentionally sexual until proven otherwise.
If a man hugs a child too tightly, if he holds him in his arm for too long, or if he stares at him too much, people will look at him with wary eyes even when this child is a family member, or even a son or a daughter.
Most of the physicals contacts that men initiate with women are perceived as sexual advances, and unless it is with a spouse, virtually all platonic physical contacts (like a hug that last for more than just a couple of seconds) are off limits. Forget about physical contact, nowadays just being in the same room alone with a woman can get you unjustly accused of sexual harassment, especially since the #Metoo movement started.
With other men, initiating prolonged contact is automatically perceived as homosexual. I'm not referring to a firm handshake or a tap on the shoulder, but a comforting hug or leaning against someone. I'm referring to the kind of contact that is comforting and warm.
These types of platonic physical touches have been proven to be helpful to both mental and physical health. They have been shown to reduce stress (cortisol), which is the cause of multiple medical conditions. Some studies have even found links between higher longevity and comforting physical contact. Yet, men in today's world are completely cut off from it, and many men are starved for affection.
In the current Western world, men are depicted as constantly being sexually motivated. At times men get labeled hound dogs, perverts, and insatiable beasts. We simply cannot be trusted.
Touching a child will automatically arouse the suspicion of pedophilia, touching a woman will provoke thoughts of sexual interest or sexual aggression, and touching a man is practically the same as telling the world that you’re gay.
Under the almighty gaze of his peers, every man has to prove himself in every interaction just to show that he is not a predator or a sexual deviant.
And so, many men evade physical touch in almost any situation.
There is no comparable analog for women. It is okay to embrace a child, to give a warm hug to another woman, or to platonically touch another man in practically any situation.
This grim state of affairs leaves men emotionally isolated. There are only two exceptions where physical contact is okay. The first option is with their spouse, which is a sexual type of connection. The second is with their son or daughter when they are very young. It is in the second context where a lot of men will rediscover genuine platonic physical contact. With this proximity to their child, they can experience, for the first time since childhood, some level of platonic, comforting physical contact. Unfortunately, this only lasts for as long as the child is an infant and when they grow up the man is quickly expected to return to his island of loneliness.
The only place left to look for comfort for a man is to his partner. Placing all his needs for affection on his partner will unavoidably become a burden. Also, by doing this, the man gives away all the power of the relationship to the woman. He needs her affection much more than she needs his because women can easily find fulfilling and comforting physical contact elsewhere. A man’s need for sex will become the expression of his needs for affection, and his partner will manipulate this to her advantage by allowing or refusing him access to sex and love as she sees fit.
The demonization and shunning of men goes a lot deeper than what appears on the surface. Let’s look at a typical conversation between two women.
A woman talks to a male acquaintance, and she ends the conversation by abruptly saying that she is busy. Later that day, the man likes several of her photos on social media, and the woman has a chat with her female friend that goes like this: “Look at this creepy guy who liked all my pics.”
Now say, for instance, an attractive guy that the woman has known for an equally short period of time does the same thing; he likes those same pictures.
The resulting conversation with her female friend goes like this: “Look at this hot guy who liked all my pics!”
These two guys didn’t act any differently from one another, yet one is branded and ostracized, while the other is applauded.
The idea of ‘‘creepiness’’ is entirely subjective and up to interpretation. But to be more precise, it is a tool that serves to distinguish between social classes. A slave that is approached by another slave would not be creeped out, a noble starting a conversation with another noble is a common sight, but a slave coming up to a noble would be labeled as creepy. The servant is of lower social status than the elite, and he is not to engage with a member of a higher class unless told to do so.
When a woman labels a man as a ‘‘creep’’, she is indirectly implying that this man is not to engage with her because she is of higher standing than him. In other words, she doesn’t see him as her equal, but as a subclass of human that stands beneath her.
In our era, there is so little trust in the average man that being affectionate, even with your own kid, is a potential hazard that could get you labeled a pedophile. After all, isn’t male affection and male love just various forms of rape and pedophilia?
In February 2018, Mr. Pollard, 46 years old, and his daughter Stephanie, 14 years old, checked into a Travelodge hotel in Cheshire, England, and they took a double room as it was the only option available. According to Mr. Polland, the whole reason for the trip was to take his daughter to see his mother, who was about to start cancer treatment.
Travelodge, who believed he was a pedophile grooming underage girls, called the police. Law enforcement arrived in less than ten minutes and began a rigorous interrogation targeted at both the father and the daughter.
After the incident, here is what Mr. Pollard had to say to the local news:
[“My daughter was in tears. She was so scared and thought I was going to get taken away. This has never happened to me before. It was an already traumatic trip. I was treated disgustingly. The worst was my daughter; she was just so distraught.”]
Unsurprisingly, Travelodge admitted that this was not the first time they have wrongly accused a father of being a pedophile.
Men are treated as second-class citizens, as mere lowlifes. Women have the power to label men as they see fit; they are the arbiters of society. As foolish as we are, we men enforce this absurdity upon ourselves and others.
When a man’s relationship crumbles and ends in divorce, most man becomes alone.
A recent study done in the U.S. revealed interesting statistics about the suicide rate of men and women after divorce (the link to it is at the end of the chapter). The study explains that the risk of suicide for a man who recently got a divorce is 2.4 times the rate of their non-divorced counterpart. But here is the fascinating part; this study says that a divorced man is eight times more likely to take his life than a divorced woman. What does this mean? It indicates that the suicide rate for women doesn't go up after a divorce.
Men typically kill themselves 3 to 4 times more often than women, and the risk of suicide for men increase roughly 2.4 times after a divorce. Since the difference in the suicide rate among divorced men and women is eight times higher for men, one doesn't have to be a great mathematician to understand that the suicide rate does not go up for women after a separation.
Of course there are factors like the insane alimony payments that men are faced with, unfair child support laws, the fact that 90% of family court trials automatically gives the children to the mother (86.3% in Canada), as well as the bigger moral support that women receive after a divorce, but I suspect that the complete loss of physical contact is also an important factor that helps to explain the high rates of male suicide after a break-up.
A lot of women purposely chose to separate the kids from their father and financially ruin their ex-husband, and I dare say that it takes a special kind of coldness to wreak havoc in someone's life without batting an eyelid. Most men would never do that to their partner even if they had the option to do it. Because of our own beliefs, we tend to be naïve, but it is essential to be aware that women do not operate the way men do.
The way we view men as not always been like this; this is new to modern society. In the older, simpler times, men were allowed to have physical contact with one another. In fact, it was the norm. This only changed when the fear of being homosexual emerged and destroyed male-to-male kinship. Because they feared being seen as a gay by other men and women, men started avoiding each other.
Just look at these old pictures of men being close to each other. They were entirely heterosexual and regular family men in the late 1800s and early 1900s.
Tudor Catalin Gheorghe
Royalty-free stock photo ID: 62358586
Old photo, group of young boxers posing outdoor
chippix
Royalty-free stock photo ID: 1353904
Vintage photo of Men Sitting On Floor With Feet To Camera
The kinship that we had as brothers has been lost. Today, genuine and close brotherhood isn't what it used to be. But all is not lost. You can find happiness and fulfillment even in a world that is hostile to you, but you need to take the necessary precautions. Going back in time is impossible, and we won't regain this type of kinship any time soon, but we can move toward it step-by-step simply by initiating a little bit more of physical contact with our fellow brothers. Perhaps the most important thing to do is to show, or at least develop, a sense of empathy towards other men. Unlike women, men lack the innate mechanism of compassion toward each other. Our dominance instinct constantly kicks-in and impairs our capacity to empathize with one another. We regard other men as competition, rivals, and even threats, and their losses become our win. In the race for survival and reproduction, empathy from men toward other men is of lesser importance. These are our ‘‘autopilot’’ settings, and going against them is a process that needs to be learned.
Being closer to the people around you is good for your physical and mental health, and it does not take any particular skill. Having a pet, as funny as it may seem, is also a good way to have some kinship. Women are already aware of this, as you may see a lot of single women with cats.
Divorce and suicide risk:
Child custody in Canada:
This chapter was partly inspired by Mark Greene’s article titled ``The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer``. You can find it on https://goodmenproject.com
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