Chapter 26: A Dose of Nihilism

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Chapter 26: A Dose of Nihilism

“Do you know what punishments I've endured for my crimes, my sins? None. I am proof of the absurdity of men's most treasured abstractions. A just universe wouldn't tolerate my existence.”

― Brent Weeks–

[Human existence is scary, troubling, and confusing. A few hundred thousand years ago we became self-aware, brimming with intelligence and a deep conscience, and we found ourselves in a place filled with dangers. There were some things that we could eat, and some that could eat us. The environment had its own set of rules; the rain fell from the sky from time to time and plants would grow, a yellow ball of light rose on the horizon and warmed our skin every day, and the dark sky was illuminated by beautiful sparks during the night. It was almost like the world was put there just for us. All of this, it was obviously made for us, wasn’t it? We were the center of the Universe, and `something` was watching over us. We could see it and feel it every day. We were at home, and in this chaotic, unfeeling jungle where death could jump at you at every corner, it was very reassuring (Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell: Optimistic Nihilism).]

As humans evolved, we discovered that the stars aren’t shining beautifully for our sake. They are simply there and are completely unrelated and indifferent to our existence. The belief that we are the center of the universe was also shattered, as we are but tiny specks of dust in an infinite cosmic soup that we can’t (and never will) even see the end of. We learned that we live in a gigantic galaxy that contains an incredible number of stars and planets, and thanks to the laws of physics, we will never be able to leave that galaxy. The Milky Way, which seems so frightfully vast, is also ridiculously small in comparison to the massive super clusters spread throughout the cosmos, which are also timidly dwarfed when compared to the scale of the observable universe, which is so vast that even if we throw in numbers and measure it with different scales, our tiny human brains cannot fully comprehend the limitless boundaries of this dark emptiness.

We also learned that we are made up of small molecules that are dead, but once they are put together in a particular way, they aren’t dead anymore. We do not even know for certain what life really is. Our existence is short and temporary, and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t amount to anything special.

One day, your biological processes will break down and ‘‘you’’ will stop existing. You will dissolve until there is no ‘‘you’’ left. While some say that there is life after death, we have no way of knowing what’s truly beyond the veil, and the only thing waiting for us could very well be eternal nothingness.

Your current existence may be the only chance that you get at life, and after that, game over. You are dead forever.

The famous Heat Death of the Universe scenario is the conjecture that all bodies in the universe cool off, and will eventually become too cold to support life. A lot of scientists accepts this popular theory, and if it is true, all matter will ultimately become single specks of loneliness until all sources of energy in the Universe are exhausted, leaving a cold, infinite empty space. If the Universe is going to die, everything that you have done and will ever do bears no real consequences.

The culmination of all the mistakes you’ve made are inconsequential. Every issue you have suffered in life will be forgotten. The bad things that you have committed will disappear into an endless abyss of emptiness.

This way of thinking may induce existential dread for many people, and it might look like the cruelest joke in existence was played on us. We became self-aware only to realize that the story isn’t about us. At some point, the human race will cease to exist, and the story of the universe will keep going without us.

Looking outside of our world and into the vast cosmos is definitely relevant when trying to figure out the meaning of life, but in my eyes, the most fascinating facts emerge from within ourselves.

The Primordial Soup Theory suggests that 3.8 billion to 3.55 billion years ago life began in an ocean as a result of the combination of chemicals from the atmosphere and some form of energy to make amino acids, the building blocks of proteins, which would then evolve into the first species on Earth.

According to scientist Richard Dawkins, a few billion years ago, naturally-occurring amino-acids emerged in the oceans as a process of chemical reactions and molecules being altered by ultra-violet light and electric sparks. At some point, a remarkable molecule that was capable of replicating itself was created by accident. Richard Dawkins calls it the Replicator. The Replicators multiplied at an astonishing rate and quickly dominated the sea.

Chemical reactions and ultra-violet light kept impacting the environment, and some Replicators were altered (mutations). Some changes were disadvantageous, and others were beneficial. The Replicators that gained additional perks and became better at replicating themselves slowly replaced the original ones and this process of elimination, or natural selection, kept going for millions of years.

At some point, and purely by a random process of elimination, some Replicators began to create a barrier of fatty acids around themselves. This made it easier to protect themselves and to filter out the useful resources from the harmful. Slowly but surely, the first unicellular life forms were created. As Richard Dawkins puts it, the first survival machines were created.

Replicators who abandoned the freedom of the Primordial Soup, choosing to hide inside of a survival machine, became more successful than the rest of the Replicators and they quickly populated the earth.

Evolution did not start with living beings, but with the Replicators. The sole purpose of Replicators is to multiple themselves endlessly. The marathon for developing the best survival machine was on, and many creatures came to be because of it. In the process of elimination, Replicators became better and better at building efficient survival machines. Some Replicators even merged to create more complex life forms. Sometimes their synergic effect was negligible, but on some occasions it was startling.

Every creature on earth, humans included, is a survival machine used by the Replicator, and the current form of the Replicator is DNA. Our DNA doesn’t work for us or our body; we and our bodies are vehicles for the Replicators, so that they may replicate themselves.

‘‘In the fierce competition for scarce resources, in the relentless struggle to eat other survival machines, and to avoid being eaten, there must have been a premium on central coordination rather than anarchy within the communal body.’’

– Richard Dawkins – The Selfish Gene

Creating a central unit to coordinate the sum of the different parts of the body became a necessity to maintain the unity of survival machines, and so the nervous system emerged. The brain is an information-processing system, and a conscious experience of the self along with a genuine first-person perspective emerged from this structure. That is, we have a self-model.

In one of his speeches, Thomas Metzinger said:

‘‘As a member of the human race, you are but a collection of approximately seven billion-billion-billion atoms (7*1027) that form a highly complex structure of neurons, cells, bacteria, and electric impulses. This structure emulates a super realistic perception of the self for the sole purpose of facilitating the maintenance of its integrity.

You are an agglomeration of small things that are designed to maintain their current form, and to do so, this network of tiny particles communicate incredibly fast to write a scenario. It is a tale, the fictive story that you are you. You are not you; you are faceless, you are a system that emulates and simulates itself, for itself.’’

To be more precise, I would say that you are a survival machine that emulates a perception of the self for the survival and the manufacture of more Replicators. Your conscious experience exists because it satisfies an additional set of functions like, for example, the ability of introspective attention and the capacity to simulate future events, which are in turn responsible for increasing your chances in the great game of survival and reproduction.

There is nothing magical about life, and there is nothing special about you. You see, things couldn’t be simpler. Replicators are replicating, and there is no specific reason behind your existence. In fact, you are actively fooled by your internal self-model into believing that you are ‘‘you’’.

While this may seem depressing, there is something good to sprout from this idea. If there is no intrinsic meaning behind our existence, it means that we are free. You are free to make the choices that you want, you are free to choose your own path, and you can give any meaning you want to your life. Even the concept that ‘‘you are not you’’ can be profoundly liberating when you really think about it. After all, why should you restrain yourself and comply with arbitrary societal pressures that were established by other survival machines? If the primary purpose of the organism from which your conscience emerged is to manufacture more Replicators, concerning yourself with the judgments of others becomes laughable. Nothing makes sense, and you are free to explore whatever it is you fancy; isn't it beautiful?

In fact, if you really have a single shot at life then the only principles that are relevant are the ones that you decide on. If the universe has no purpose, you get to dictate what its purpose is. In your life, that is the only thing that holds any actual weight.

Your life is unique, and it is the most precious treasure that you possess. The role of the sacrificial provider has been brutally enforced on men for countless millennia, and it is so heavily ingrained in everyone that for most men, stepping out of this role is unthinkable. Forsaking this role will likely end with both your sense of identity and your purpose breaking down. Like glass that was shattered into dust, it would be impossible to piece it back together.

But you know what? What if it’s painful? What if it’s scary? More importantly, what if it is hard? So what! Walk into the unknown, jump into uncertainty, brave the chaos that is life, face your fears head-on, and step outside your comfort zone. You are the only one who can dictate your purpose in life, isn’t that liberating?

I think that adopting the view of optimistic nihilism can really help men going their own way that are in the stage of sadness and depression. This stage is agonizing, and some men will never step out of it, but it doesn’t have to be the case with you. For me, optimistic nihilism was the extra step that pushed me into acceptance, and it may also work for you. For those who aren’t satisfied with this answer, I will talk more about that subject in the last chapter of this book.

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