Chapter 13: Relationships and the Role of Provider

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Chapter 13: Relationships and the Role of Provider

‘‘A woman's love is as heavy as helium gas, it holds no weight. Therefore a woman's love or validation for a man is also weightless.’’

- Someone somewhere -

‘‘Women are frightening. If you get to 41 as a man, you’re quite battle-scarred.’’

- Hugh Grant –

This chapter was written with the premise that male authority is the best choice to nurture healthy relationships and maintain cohesive communities, but since that doesn’t exist in today’s society, the following will be describing an alternative that I think is worth exploring. I must also repeat that I do not advocate entering into a relationship with a woman in our modern feminist society, but the choice is, of course, yours to make.

In order for a relationship to be functional, a man who can provide and protect and a woman who is fertile are all that is needed. Conflict may arise, injustice may take a toll on the relationship, and dreams may be forgotten, yet it will still be ‘‘functional’’.

To create a more balanced dynamic, a lot of variables will come into play, but the first thing you need is confidence, confidence in yourself, faith in your capabilities, and faith in your beliefs.

To attract a partner, a man needs to be proactive. If you wait for a woman to come to you, the chances are that you will be alone forever. In every species on this planet, females signal their availability and fertility and males seek out mating opportunities. Humans are no different. The only exceptions to this rule are hermaphrodite creatures, like the snails and some species of fish like the seahorse (males receive the eggs and incubate them in their ventral pouch until birth. Since males are the one who incubates and give birth, females typically do most of the wooing and pursuing).

This leads us to the pickup artist community (PUA for short). I know that there is a lot of hate toward this particular community, but I will defend it. Let me begin by saying that, like anywhere, there are people who exploit the weaknesses of others to make money, and we see a lot of scams on the Internet because of this.

‘‘Ten words that will make any woman fall for you!’’

If you see slogans like these, you can be sure that it is a scam.

With that said, there are a lot of good sites about ways to better yourself and attract women. When I was younger, I was fairly timid with the ladies. I didn’t have a lot of experience with woman and the only girlfriend that I had was in high school and I mostly attributes it to luck. But in my early twenties this all changed. I was tired of being single and I wanted to know how to get girls, but it seemed like an insurmountable wall. I wanted answers and I did my research, and that is when I found the PUA community. It is also around this time when I started picking girls on the street. Oh boy, that was hard at the beginning! Man... Just remembering it makes my guts burn like fire.

When I approached a woman in the street for the first time I was so nervous that I could feel my heartbeat madly knocking against my rib cage. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask her about her number and ended up asking what hours it was instead.

But I didn’t stop there. This first experience showed me that everything was fine. There was nothing to fear. So I approached others women and tried to make some small talk. Those were baby steps to get rid of my fear of approach, and it worked. After five tries or so I was getting really confident, and I came across a woman waiting at a bus stop. I presented myself with a confident smile and I shook her hand before asking for her name. Just like I read in several PUA websites, I opted for a direct approach and told her that she was cute. I didn’t blunder while saying it, and I kept looking straight into her eyes. After that, I felt sexual tension almost magically springing up from the air between us. If not for the fact that I was experiencing it, I could hardly have ever believed that simply being confident could be such a powerful tool to seduce woman.

I proceeded to ask her a few things and learned that she was a college student. We had a short and pleasant talk that lasted only a couple of minutes and I asked her about her number, which she gave me along with a beautiful smile.

I did the same thing in the following days and went back into the field, and I was amazed to discover that creating a connection with a woman was getting easier. More importantly, my fear of the approach was mostly gone, and it was such a fast transformation! I didn’t have sex right away, but it came faster than I anticipated.

Being confident around women is a skill like any other and it can be developed with practice. I learned to be at ease with women, and I am not shy anymore. I know that if I lose a woman, I can easily find another one. Well, that is until I became a complete, celibate monk.

I did the PUA stuff for a little over a year, yet it was truly transformative, and it helped me in multiple ways.

So many men on the Internet bash the PUA community, and I think this is because they are ignorant. Some people believe that by picking up women, we give power to women, or they believe that pickup artists are addicted to the validation that they receive from conquering women, as if they base their identity on the number of women they have slept with.

To be honest, perhaps some PUAs are like this. But for all the rest, it doesn’t mean giving power away, it's about empowering oneself.

For a shy dude who hasn't got laid in years, or who perhaps never has, challenging himself and challenging his fears is the only way to liberate himself from his shackles. Timidity is a shackle and breaking it does not mean giving away your power to women.

Experiencing the risks of courtship, being rejected, learning that being rejected doesn’t matter, that it is inconsequential, getting more and more confidence, reaching success, and getting one or multiple sexual partners is an empowering experience. You feel full of energy, your guts are on fire, you become bold, and you are in control. By overcoming your fear, you diminish the power that a single woman has over you. In other words, you learn to grow a spine around women.

If you’re in a relationship and you have no faith in being able to find another woman, you will be more likely to adopt unhealthy behaviors to keep your current partner. You will not want to lose her because you feel you are not able to find someone else, yet most women can quickly snatch up another man. To keep her, you will make more concessions, and you will inevitably discard your own needs.

On the other hand, if you are resolute and firm, you won't be threatened by simple tactics, and if you have to break up with your partner, you won’t be affected too much by it. On the basis that you want to, you will be able to find someone else.

If you want to find a good website with wise tips on how to approach women, you should beware of all the ‘‘magic tricks’’ and ‘‘ultimate techniques’’ that make women ‘‘fall’’ for you. Those are good at rubbing your ego but bring no results. A good website will talk about practice and about being in the field. No unusual phrases or special ‘‘openers’’, no magic words or techniques of ‘‘Push and Pull’’, just constant practice, a lot of talking to girls, regular dating, and doing it over and over until your confidence builds up. Add some practical tips here and there, and you found yourself an excellent website about seduction.

When I did my pickup artist stuff, I looked at a lot of articles on ‘‘drague-academie.com’’. It is one of the best references I found on the art of seduction and dating, but be aware that it is a French website. I must specify that I did not spend a single dime on PUA books or private coaching, and you shouldn't either, but I did spend a few weeks looking for a suitable web site. To me, a successful PUA is one that overcomes his timidity, does not court women as a way of life, but as a hobby, and has many other life goals that aren't related to chasing women.

To create ‘‘customer loyalty’’ with your woman, or with multiple women if that is your cup of tea, being good in bed is an absolute must. Orgasms produce a significant amount of oxytocin, which is also called the ‘‘love hormone’’.

If you intend to keep a woman around, then you need persuasive arguments. Good sex is one of them. If you are unable to bring your woman to orgasm easily, if you are experiencing premature ejaculation, or you have any other problem in bed, take the necessary steps to correct them. Take the time to have long sex sessions with a lot of foreplay to learn what triggers your partner's excitement and orgasms.

Regular sex is a component that practically every man wants to keep in his relationship, but sometimes women will gradually reduce the frequency of intercourse, and it will only become more and more frustrating for the man.

Pleasuring your partner is an excellent way to increase the frequencies of sexual intercourse, but sometimes it won't be enough. If this happens to you, if you have less and less sex, then here is what you can do. Let some time pass. Don't demand any sex for a while and focus on other things, like a project you may be working on at the moment or just see your friends more frequently. At some point, your partner should notice that something is off and you will probably have a discussion. If you don't talk about it after a while, trigger that discussion yourself. In that conversation, all you need to do is be honest. Brutally honest. Censoring your speech will be your mortal enemy. Explain everything as straightforward as you can.

Example: ‘‘Not having regular sex is making me unhappy. I am not satisfied and I want things to change. I want to be more intimate, and not being able to experience that makes me sad and frustrated. I thought it over, and if things won’t change, I am ready to end our relationship.’’

The man who doesn't have any confidence in finding another woman will never take the risk to have this talk, and his fears will bind him to a sexless relationship. In order to truly be ready to leave, one needs to be willing to be alone, this is why I feel that picking up women could help a lot of young men to get rid of that fear. After all, if you know that with some effort you can get another woman, then most men won't be afraid of a potential break-up.

It goes without saying that if a sex buddy cut on the sex without a good reason, then you should definitely leave her. Generally, if a friend with benefits suddenly cut out on sex, it’s because she wants you to pursue her and she will try to lure you into a more serious relationship. It is one of the first steps that women use to take control of the relationship. In other words, she will play with your desires for sex to get your commitment. Don't be fooled and go away. Exceptions may be a death in her family or some other trauma that may significantly affect her. In those cases, it is normal if she doesn’t want as much sex, and you may give her the benefit of the doubt.

Leaving someone is a big move, of course, and it should not be taken lightly or used as an ultimatum. But, if your principles are not respected, if your needs are discarded, or if you do not get what you want out of your relationship, then you should not hesitate to leave.

Most of the time, telling what you want in a way that won't spark conflict will solve the problem. And one thing is certain; you will need sufficient communication skills. Being good at communication is very important because it will help you to express your needs and thoughts in healthy ways. Women cannot know what we are thinking and talking about what you want and expect openly is essential. Contrary to popular opinions, being a skilled communicator in a relationship is quite easy. You just have to be brutally honest, and then, you let your partner say her part. A few rounds like this and you should find your answers. Lack of communication and the avoidance of certain issues is the problem more often than not.

If you provide for a woman, she may stay with you even if you are a jerk because her lifestyle will be dependent on you. If you don't adopt the role of the sole provider, listening to her stories and sharing your experiences is a useful way to gain more ‘‘customer loyalty’’.

Although you should never become an emotional sponge for someone else, and you should clearly demonstrate that you will not tolerate that. There is a big difference between being compassionate to someone's problems versus being the emotional tissue of someone's emotional dumping. If this occurs often, you can consider that you have been shown a major red flag.

Being fit is also beneficial for keeping a woman around. The more she is attracted to you, the easier it will be to keep her around.

Creating a balanced relationship begins with boldness, and it becomes reinforced with ‘‘customer loyalty’’.

Finally, it is important that you know thyself. Knowing what you want out of a relationship, knowing what you can tolerate, and what you expect from your partner will take you far in life. But you need to apply all of that without going back on your principles, and if that can't be done, leave and find someone else.

To sum up, you need determination and a spine. You need to create ‘‘customer loyalty’’, and you need to know yourself enough to know what set of conditions you want to implement into the relationship.

All this information is more for short and midterm relationships, although some of it is also applicable to long-term relationships.

I have to share something with you. I am a man who loves diversity in my bed. I used to pick up women on the street, on Tinder and within my circle of friends. I have also been a member of a swingers club; I participated in multiple threesomes, participated in an orgy, and even tried gay sex just for the hell of it. I’m basically one big ole pervert, and I love sex, but even I became a complete monk after the #metoo hysteria. The risks of false sexual assault allegations are just too high.

Being a PUA in our day and age is like playing soccer in a minefield. I advise to tread to utmost caution if you decide to embark on this path.

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