Chapter 15: Women and the Hypergamy Instinct

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Chapter 15: Women and the Hypergamy Instinct

“The lessons of relationship that our primordial ancestors learned are deeply encoded in the genetics of our neurobiological circuits of love. They are present from the moment we are born and activated at puberty by the cocktail of neurochemicals. It’s an elegant synchronized system. At first our brain weighs a potential partner, and if the person fits our ancestral wish list, we get a spike in the release of sex chemicals that makes us dizzy with a rush of unavoidable infatuation. It’s the first step down the primeval path of pair-bonding.”

- Abhijit Naskar–

‘‘The more women scream for equality, the more their unconscious will scream for dominant men.’’

– Jordan Peterson –

In this chapter, I want to talk about hypergamy, but first, allow me to define that term.

Studies of mate selection have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive. Evolutionary psychologists contend this is an inherent sex difference arising out of sexual selection, with men driven to seek women who will give birth to healthy babies and women driven to seek men who will be able to provide the necessary resources for the family's survival.

Hypergamy is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.

A woman rejecting a man with a lower paying salary would be a sign of her hypergamy, as she doesn't want to date and get married to a cashier whom is barely making ends meet.

In gorilla packs, dominants males form harems of females to mate with. Females will only mate with the dominant silverback male, and if he loses a battle and is replaced, females will automatically join the harem of the new silverback. That is, they have no loyalty to the male they are currently with, and they will only hang around the stronger and most dominant gorilla, no matter who it is.

Hypergamy appears in competing species where males fight for dominance, and we can observe a high amount of sexual dimorphism between the sexes in this regard. In these present cases, males are larger and stronger than females. In contrast, in pair-bonding species, like a majority of bird species, we can observe a meager amount of sexual dimorphism and relationships between the sexes tend to be monogamous. Males will often harbor different and flashier colors to attract females, but both sexes tend to be the same size and couples will stay together for a very long time, or even for life. Although, this does not mean that they are always faithful, as researchers often find eggs from three to four different fathers in the same nest of multiple species of birds.

Humans are somewhere between the two extremes. We are neither a purely competing nor a purely pair-bonding species. Men have a dominance instinct and women have a hypergamy instinct, but they can vary to certain degrees.

There is a saying that 80% of women pursue the top 20% of men. Women will often aim for men with high status, high income, charisma, confidence, and a significant social value. That is, the characteristics that sexually attract women are not about your personality and values, but about your dominance. And no matter what you do and what you say, a shy guy with no background isn't going to be perceived as desirable. This phenomenon is easily comparable to female gorillas looking for a silverback male, except for the harem part. Humans tend to be monogamous and we also pair-bond; this is why men of lower status can also get a woman and keep her for a long time by working hard.

Hypergamy is an interesting tool one can use to comprehend women, and it can also explain a lot of the ‘‘monkey branching’’. By this, I mean that women will often date and seek men of higher status than themselves while dismissing men of equal or lower value. After a breakup, women will usually find a partner who had the same income or lifestyle than her previous boyfriend, or she will seek a man with an even higher status. Thus, we say that women tend to monkey branch up, and as a general rule they will only monkey branch down in the social ladder when they have no other choice.

That is a clear manifestation of the hypergamy instinct, and it is profoundly engraved in every woman. Let me be clear on this, every woman, every single woman, is subject to her instincts and is subject to hypergamy. No matter what, only dominant traits in a man will entice a heterosexual woman's sexual desire. A small manifestation of this phenomenon is the fact that most women are attracted to men in uniforms, as it is a symbol of status and power.

I have no doubt that a woman can like and appreciate a man for his inner qualities and personality, but it will always be his dominant traits that will physically excite her. It can be his confidence, his skills, his experience, his strength, his well-toned back, or his muscular arms, but whatever it may be, it will be related to some part of him that is dominant. These traits that a man exposes are directly linked to his utility. A skilled, powerful, charismatic, or experienced man is far more likely to be useful, and in the wild he will be able to ensure safety and provisions more efficiently than a submissive male. The dominant man is a better utility, and he will attract more women. He will be able to bring far more bread to the table. He possesses more resources than his beta male counterpart.

Women are attracted to dominance and dominance is directly related to a man's utility, therefore, women are sexually drawn to a man's utility. Let this bit of information sink in for a moment. Your efficiency as a tool will determine whether or not you will be seen as desirable.

As a man can express his dominance instinct to different degrees, a woman can also display a different amount of hypergamy. This is why you see compassionate women who stay with a disabled or terminally sick partner even when it brings them no benefit, while you also see women marrying for money.

Women are not evil; they simply follow their instinct the same way we follow ours, and it is important to be aware of it. A lot of men idealize women and put them on the pedestal of purity. Which is pure foolishness, of course. It is necessary to bring women down from that pedestal and look at them from a more realistic point of view. This can be hard for a lot of men, as women have been presented to us in multiple accounts and fairy tales as perfect princesses to be taken care of, or as pure angels in need of protection. From our childhood we have learned to take extra care of women, we have been told that they are special in some way, and that their emotions and well-being should be safeguarded. Our parents made sure that we learned it, our teachers made sure that we knew it, and society ensured that it was well hammered into our heads. Once that image is shattered it can be devastating for a lot of men. After all, realizing that women principally desire you for how useful you are is a pill that can be pretty hard to gulp down.

But it is important to see women in a realistic light. Hypergamy also means that women do not want a partner, but a leader. In contrast, men seek a partner, but they rarely find one. If women wanted equal partners, they would not monkey branch up the social tree so much. Hypergamy always ensures that women will date men that they perceive as better than themselves. That is, they will look for a reliable provider. Since women date up, it goes without saying that most men have to date down the social tree.

Now that this has been explained, let’s discuss the two ways to hijacking the hypergamy instinct.

The trick is that women will date and respect men that ‘‘they perceive’’ to have a higher value than themselves, even if that ‘‘value’’ is not real. The first way to hijacking the hypergamy instinct is to be an asshole. Most jerks will destroy their partner's self-esteem, which will, in turn, affect a woman's perception of herself. As time passes, the lady will start to feel inadequate in front of her lover. As she starts to view herself as weak and incompetent, the woman's partner will automatically be elevated to a higher position compared to herself. At least, this will be true in her eyes.

By breaking apart his lover's self-esteem, the jerk tricks the hypergamy instinct of the woman. In fact, as her self-esteem is being hammered down, the lady will begin to idealize her partner, and she will become more sexually aroused.

The girlfriend of an asshole will seek her partner’s validation, which he may give or take on a whim, and this will be a powerful aphrodisiac for most women. The feeling of uncertainty, the thrill of the unknown, the pursuit for love and validation, and the fact that her self-esteem is continually being beaten down will be playing with against her instincts so well that it will be ‘‘electrifying’’ for most women. Some woman will even fool themselves to the point where they will lie to their friends in order to cover their boyfriend’s ruthless behaviors.

A woman that is dating a jerk will often hear phrases like ‘‘You're so lucky to have me’’ and ‘‘You are not very smart’’ from her boyfriend, but even when she is being degraded, she will still think things like ‘‘I have never loved someone so much’’, ‘‘I will never be able to love someone else,’’ or ‘‘I believe I can change him.’’

Ultimately, the man will be in complete control of the relationship. At least that is until the woman gets exhausted by this tedious process filled with angry arguments, drama, and passionate make-up sex, before finally deciding to leave. Even so, some women will become so addicted to this thrill that they will never leave. Being an asshole produces such a potent sexual ‘‘turn on’’ for women that it may almost seems like nature is playing a cruel joke on the human race.

Remember, sexual attraction for a woman is closely linked to the dominance of her partner. As her self-value is beaten down, she will see her partner as more dominant, and she will be hooked.

This is probably why so many women are tricked by jerks and keep going back to them even after experiencing pain and suffering. Some women need to be needed so badly that they'll put up with practically anything.

I am not a fan of this alternative, and I view it as unethical and unhealthy. Fortunately, however, the second option is a lot better.

To trick the hypergamy instinct ethically, you only need to put your values, needs, hobbies, and desires before your partner. That is, do not comply with her needs and demands if it goes against that of your own. If you do not feel like complying or agreeing, simply don’t do it. Refuse anything that goes against your values. In layman’s term, this mean no pussy passes for the ladies.

By doing things your own way, by living your relationship on your own terms, you actively demonstrate that you are more important than her. By refusing to compromise on your core values and your principles and by staying independently-minded, you also demonstrate the qualities of an alpha male, which is very alluring to a woman. If you view yourself as more valuable than your girlfriend that must mean that your value is greater than her, right? Even if it is not ‘‘objectively’’ true, the only thing that matter here is the ‘‘perception that it’s true’’, and women will fall for that almost every time. This simple trick will easily spark sexual attraction and if you stick to it, it can potentially last for a very long time.

To be clear, you do not have to be an asshole at all when you do that. In fact, this trick works perfectly well when you behave decently. You can be kind and polite with your girlfriend, but at the same time you will have to learn to say the word ‘‘no’’ quite often.

On the other hand, if you comply with your girlfriend’s every demand and act as a selfless white knight, you will indirectly express to her that she is better than you. Submissive behaviors such as these will immediately cause her desire to run dry. You will lose her respect, you definitely won’t get laid, and if you are in a relationship, your partner may even start to resent you.

Why would she start disliking you? The answer is pretty straightforward. When you are too kind and do everything in your power to make your girlfriend happy, acting as a ‘‘nice guy’’ in the hope of gaining her favor, you behave in a subservient manner. Eventually, the fact that you are acting submissively will make your woman re-evaluate her choice about you. A woman’s fertile years, as well as her beauty, degrade over time and her best chance at finding a successful man is when she is young. If your girlfriend feels that she was wrong in choosing you and that she wasted parts of her precious youth on the likes of you, she may never pardon you for that. Thus, she will start to resent you more and more until she finally decides to leave.

A ‘‘nice guy’’ is not dominant, he cannot satisfy the hypergamy instinct of a woman, and unfortunately, this will, in most cases, break any hope he may have had to maintaining a successful relationship.

All of this is solely based on your dominance, or more precisely, on her perception of your dominance. Perception is subjective and can be easily tricked. So always place yourself above your woman and you’ll be fine.

In order to do this, you must absolutely bring women down from their pedestal. Only by doing so can you see yourself as more important than your partner and bring balance to your relationships. The good thing is that this is healthier for you and it is a big step toward a more balanced relationship.

Another essential step is to be ready to leave her. I cannot repeat that one enough times. If you cannot live without the woman you are in a relationship with, then everything that I am explaining here may as well be garbage. Women are keen and instinctively feel those things, and you can be sure that your woman will know it if you can’t bear the idea of leaving her. Be warned; she will use this fact to her advantage. She will use it to coerce you without fail.

In order to be ready to leave, you need a good set of values and a strong character. In other words, you need to have a spine. If you are more introverted and shy, don’t worry about it. These things simply need practice, and once you get used to it, things will become easier. Practicing to say ‘‘no’’ and acting as if you care more about yourself than you care about your lover may be hard if you are not used to doing it, but after a while it becomes like breathing.

Sometimes you may find yourself completely infatuated with a woman or you may grow really attached to her over an extended period of time, and the mere thought of losing her will be incredibly painful. Although it is unpleasant, you should still prepare yourself for what may come. After all, it is your only real weapon in your relationships with women. If you never find yourself in a situation where you have to leave her, and she respects you, then you might have a keeper. But, even in that scenario, you must still keep the window of independence and freedom open just in case.

Sometimes women will test you. They can throw you a trick question just to see your answer, or they will openly pry at your weaknesses to test your response. Sometimes they can even throw you a hurtful comment just to see your reaction. Do not worry, though, as this just a way for women to re-evaluate your dominance. In the pick-up artist community’s terms, this is a shit test.

If you stay composed, most of the time you can solve this with a single look. An example that I personally used to do when I still dated was to look at the woman briefly (making sure that she knows I heard what she said) before looking away without answering. This made her understand that I intentionally ignored the displeasing comment. This makes women feel awkward, and they quickly realize that the bad behavior they expressed is not permitted. Don't hesitate to do this in front of friends, as it will be even more effective. If I chose to answer the remark, I do the same thing and let her feel the heavy silence for a few moments before answering with brutal honesty. Seriously, uncensored honesty is one of your best allies. The power of ‘‘No’’ or ‘‘I don't like that’’ or ‘‘You are showing me an unsightly side of you’’ right after a heavy silence can be like a hand grenade. If she is caring, tell her; if she is unloving, tell her.

If these shit tests happen regularly, consider it as a red flag and prepare yourself to leave. As a general rule, this will only happen for as long as you allow it to, but in some cases your girlfriend could intentionally get you into trouble. She could get you into a fight, pick at your weakness, or even attack your manhood. This may seem evil and unloving, and that is certainly how men perceive those acts, especially when the woman doing it is smiling or is aroused by it. In truth, it is a female instinct used to test your genetic worth. Doing this is an easy way to ascertain whether a man will be a good provider and protector, and in the past it was vital for women to do this as their life would often depend on the quality of the man they could get their hands on.

I won't go as far as to say that it is evil, but it is certainly selfish. It’s a self-preservation instinct, and self-preservation by its very nature is self-centered.

A big part of this is an innate mechanism. For example, when it is the mating season the dominant female wolf will bite the alpha male of the pack when she is in heat. If the male cowers with his tail between his legs, or if he bites back aggressively, then she won’t mate with him. But if he stays composed and shows that he can handle conflict, they will mate. This is a wolf shit test. The female wolf is testing if the male can handle pressure. She wants to verify whether he will be able to provide her with enough food and security when she will get pregnant.

Female chimpanzees do a similar thing. Sometimes they will taunt a male until he gets so angry that he charges at her, and this kind of aggressive dash, when it is between two males, usually leads to a fight. But at the last moment, the female will spread her legs open and they will mate. This is a chimpanzee shit test. ‘‘Do you have the balls? Do you have what it takes? Do you dare?!’’ This is what the female chimp is asking when she does this.

When women test men, it is essentially their ovaries that are speaking. They are asking, ‘‘Do you have the guts to brave dangers for me? Do you have what it takes? Will you be strong enough to provide for me and my children?’’

Another example of this is with the vervet monkeys who live in Africa. Researchers observed that female vervets reward males who participate in battles against rival groups by grooming them and mating with them, while they give the cold shoulder to the non-combatants. Afterward, the males who received female approval for their aggressive behaviors tend to be even more reckless and take bigger risks in upcoming battles in order to reap more ‘‘rewards’’.

Do you know what this is? This is females sexually ostracizing males. Those who do not comply with females’ preferences, the non-combatants, won’t mate and won’t pass down their DNA. Males need females’ permission to reproduce successfully; women choose to mate with those who bring them the most benefits, and thus, they play a significant part in shaping the male genetic.

And the same thing is true for humans. A good example of this was with the Order of the White Feather in England. This group of women was formed at the beginning of the First World War, and their goal was to give white feathers to shame the young men who didn’t enlist in the military.

A man receiving a white feather was permanently branded a coward. If he didn’t enlist in the army he would be sexually ostracized, and every woman would reject him for his lack of courage and compliance.

Being sexually ostracized is such a terrifying thing for a man that those young lads enlisted in the military even when they knew what they were going in for, as news of the inhumane bloodbaths were already circulating in the newspapers. Just as a reminder, over thirty-seven millions people died in this war. And women actively shamed young and naïve men into this butchery.

Since the time we were monkeys, females choose the males that they preferred while ignoring those who did not suit their preferences. Thus free-spirited men will never be more than a few grains of sand lost on a large beach.

My personal answer to this grim state of affairs is that there isn’t a pair of ovaries that exist that are worth my resources.

Anyways, if a woman tests you in a way that displeases you, especially if she creates trouble for you, then you should not put up with it and simply leave. All the women in your life will test you, that is not an issue you can dodge, but to what length you allow it is up to you.

As a man, you don't have to apologize for your nature. Always strive to remain a free man!

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