Chapter 18: Hybristophilia, Sexual Desire, and Narcissism
- Manhood Shitty Shit
- Jun 20, 2018
- 16 min read
Updated: Jan 8, 2020
Chapter 18: Hybristophilia, Sexual Desires, and Narcissism
‘‘The narcissist enjoys being looked at and not looking back.’’
- Mason Cooley –
Hybristophilia is a paraphilia in which sexual arousal, facilitation, and the attainment of orgasm are responsive to and contingent upon being with a partner known to have committed cheating, lying, known infidelities, or crime, such as rape, murder, or armed robbery.
In simpler terms, a woman with hybristophilia will experience intensified levels of arousal proportional to the notoriety of the man that she desires.
I argue that every woman possesses some degree of hybristophilia, but it can vary considerably. To me, this is a survival mechanism that women acquired after millennia of adaptation to the tyranny of nature and the savageness of human warfare. In other words, it is an evolutionary adaptation deeply anchored into the female psyche. After all, life hasn't always been as comfortable as it is today, and when death could await you at every corner, it was critical for both men and women to maximize their chances of survival. This principle stands true even if one's survival necessitate malevolent behaviors.
The scenario of a woman falling in love with a cold-blooded, dominant man is so widespread that I was flooded with relevant stories as soon as I began researching stories about hybrystophilia. Before you read the following, please note that the following material is used solely for rational analysis on female nature and I do not advocate rape. The stories that will be explored in this chapter are confession stories found on several social Medias and, to respect the privacy of these women, these accounts will stay anonymous.
[‘‘I am 32 years old and have been happily married for the past ten years. I am currently studying social work in school. My husband is a social worker with plans to go to grad school in the next three years. Life is good and stable, for once.
I was sexually abused by my step-father when I was quite young, and this continued for several years until he died. For the past several years I have been having sexual thoughts about what happened to me, and I find that I become aroused by these thoughts. Not at remembering the actual events, but more by the idea of them. The idea of being a young girl and being sexually abused (in a non-violent way) is sexually exciting to me. Occasionally my husband and I will roleplay with this theme.’’]
The next story is about a woman who knew her lover was an abuser, but she couldn't help herself and dated him anyway.
[‘‘I’ll be honest; I knew my ex was a screwed-up guy. My head told me that not long after we met. The alarm bells were screeching. Could I hear them? Of course! Did I listen to them? No. My heart told my head to sod off, and I agreed.
Here was a charismatic, gorgeous man focusing all his attention on me. I was the only one in his universe. Fireworks that would rival Sydney’s New Year’s Eve were going off. The sexual chemistry was intense. He was the best drug ever.
The high of being with him was intoxicating. Nervous butterflies were on a rampage in my stomach, which did a bit of a flip every time I saw him. And that’s how I knew he was the one. Yeah, right…
Like most narcissists, it took a while for his darker side to kick in. But when it did I was already way too hooked on him; I needed more. So, I ignored all the warning signs. The ones that were there in front of my face, with bells on.’’]
Next is a story about a woman who just cannot get over her abusive ex-boyfriend.
[‘‘I recently broke up with my ex of four years. The abuse was escalating, and I had to get out of there. He choked me a few times (not to the point of passing out), done lots of damage to things and my home, he kept me from my friends, he always blamed me for everything, and he controlled who I talked to via phone or the Internet. He also has a big drug addiction. He wasn’t always this way. He was caring, loving, showed his emotions; made sure I had what I needed.
I have been doing everything possible to ignore him and his constant calls/texts. But, as soon as he leaves a message, I’m listening to it. I also check his emails periodically to see what he is up to and possibly how he is doing. When he doesn’t call for a few days, I’ll wait for the calls. There are times where I just want to call/see him so bad. I never do call him or answer his calls. So, even though I know he is bad for me I still want him; I still love and care for him.
What’s wrong with me? Why and how can I feel such conflicting ways about one person?’’]
Now, things are going to get kind of interesting (scientifically and analytically), as this story takes account of a woman who fell in love with her rapist.
[‘‘I don't really know what to say. Two months ago I was date raped while drunk after a frat party, and now I'm completely head over heels for him.
I initially planned on pressing charges, so I would go to his social media and see if anything he posted would help with my case, but the more I went to his profiles, the more I became infatuated with him.
This disturbed me at first, because I thought I should be disgusted, I thought that seeing his face again would make my stomach turn, but instead I felt like I wanted to see him. So a week and a half after he raped me, as I laid on a couch drunk out of my mind, we began talking and started dating not long after.
We've been dating for almost two months now, and our relationship has been good. We’ve never talked about that night though, and I don't want to. I want to be with him.
I'm disgusted with myself because I feel like I should have reported him so he could never do that to anybody else.
I'm disgusted with myself because I DON’T flinch whenever we have sex.
I wanted to date him after he did that to me, and I feel like a freak.
I know I'm going to probably get a lot of "break up with him" responses, but I genuinely don't want to. But I do want advice as to how I should feel about myself because of this.’’]
Next, we have a woman who continued to have sex with her rapist for a year and got pregnant.
[‘‘I am 23 years old and confused. At the age of 18, my virginity was taken by someone I knew. Out of fear, I never said anything because I thought nobody would believe me, since he was someone I liked.
I went on with my life thinking that was it, because he also had a girlfriend. But he would call me and say we needed to talk, or he would wait until I was alone somewhere and make me have sex with him.
After a time, it became something I wanted to do, so it didn’t bother me. He would text or call me sometimes.
About a year later, I got pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a baby, and he had gotten two other girls pregnant, so I had an abortion.’’]
Next on the list is a married, religious woman who had her first orgasm when she was gang raped.
[‘‘After marrying at twenty-one, I discovered my husband was a porn addict. So great was his sexual perversity and infidelity that I was at a loss to know what to do to save my marriage. Finally, after five years of marriage, I sought counseling from my church pastor. I had no idea that this man had a history of being a sexual predator. He had been moved from church to church after each report of sexual abuse, but no other action was taken, nor was the new congregation warned.
After several counseling sessions, he gained my trust. He was twenty years older than me, and not only did I look up to him as my pastor but as a father figure. In hopes of finding healing, I told him all about my failing marriage and the abuse I had endured as a child. He took a keen interest in me that made me feel special. I really thought he cared and wanted to help me. His acts of kindness convinced me that I had found a father figure I could trust, who would help me save my marriage and work through my past abuse.
One day he phoned, asking if I could meet him at a nearby restaurant for our counseling session that evening, as he could not make it to the church office in time for our scheduled meeting. Without suspecting a thing, I agreed.
When he finally arrived at the restaurant he said he needed to visit a church member in the hospital. He asked if it wasn’t too much trouble, if I would accompany him so we could talk as he drove. I thought it was a bit odd, but I trusted him and thought he was being very kind to visit someone in the hospital so late at night. We drove off. He eventually pulled into a hotel parking lot, saying he needed to get something from a family member of the person in hospital to take with us. He asked me to accompany him to the room, as he was worried about leaving me in the parking lot alone. Naively, I went with him.
We got to the hotel room and to my surprise he had a key and opened the door. He went inside, and I followed. Once inside he began kissing me. Shocked and terribly confused, I pushed him away and told him I didn’t understand. He said he was in love with me and had been waiting to tell me. He told me he thought I was the most beautiful woman he ever had seen and that he wanted to make love to me.
I kept physically fighting him off and telling him that, although I respected him as my pastor and as a father figure, I wanted him to stop. He pushed me, tore my clothes off, and raped me. The ugly event seemed to last forever. It was as if I mentally checked out. I remember that it hurt, that I was crying, and that he was calling me names like ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ and saying many derogatory things about me. As he was violating me, there was a knock on the door. Apparently, he had this whole thing planned and had invited others to join him. He let four strangers into the room, all of whom took their turn raping me. They raped me both anally and vaginally. The pain was incredible as they were very rough and forceful. After what seemed like forever I blacked out. I remember the pastor shaking me hard and slapping me across the face. He then shoved ten or so Excedrin down my throat so that I would stay awake.
One of the most disturbing things that happened that night was that I had an orgasm. Despite years of marriage, it was my first orgasm ever. It really confused me. I thought some part of me must be mentally sick to have experienced the pleasure of an orgasm during this horrific trauma. My only conclusion was that there was something terribly perverted and wrong with me.’’]
To find a litany of stories similar to the ones mentioned above you just have to read through the Reddit thread or blogs that discuss orgasm during rape and you will find story after story like: ‘‘I was sexually abused at a young age and had an orgasm,’’ ‘‘…although I never stopped resisting I was horrified to find myself having a series of multiple orgasms,’’ ‘‘Reading your post made me feel like maybe I am not such a freak,’’ or ‘‘One of the most disturbing things that happened that night is that I had an orgasm. Despite years of marriage, it was my first orgasm ever.’’
Now, let's look at serial killers' infamous sex appeal.
When Ted Bundy, the notorious serial killer who raped and murdered more than 30 women, was put on trial in 1979, women from all over the world sent him fan mail. Many of these letters included nude pictures, and some of them even contained marriage proposals. His case may be one of the most famous ones, but it shows a pattern that has been seen over and over again throughout history: murderous men winning over legions of female fans.
Richard Ramirez, a serial killer, dubbed ‘‘the Night Stalker’’, who raped and tortured over 25 victims and killed at least 13 others, married one of his many female admirers in 1996 while he was in prison.
More recently, Anders Breivik, the terrorist who murdered 77 people in Norway in 2011, mainly children, was reported to have received "love letters" from girls as young as 16.
In the first story mentioned above, the one about the 32-year old woman, we saw that this lady was often thinking about her past abuse and she was getting sexually aroused just by remembering these thoughts. She also said that she got turned on by simulating her past abuse with her current husband. Now, a sex therapist would probably tell you that turning a past trauma into a sexual fantasy is a healthy way to deal with a wound, and he would probably be right. But to me, the most fundamental question is being ignored. Why is it that women can so easily experience breathtaking levels of pleasure during rape and why are they attracted to cruel men in such large numbers in the first place? This unquestionably does not exist in the male population. Have you ever heard a story about a female serial killer with tons of male fans and multiple marriage proposals to brag about? No, it has never happened, and if it did, people would laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
Men can also feel pleasure and orgasm during rape, but have you ever heard of a man, happily married for many years, who never had an orgasm with his wife and who had his first and only orgasm while being raped? Again, this would be absurd, as it simply doesn’t happen to men.
This phenomenon is exclusive to women. If Hybristophilia does not exist within the male population, while simultaneously being so very widespread in the female community, then it must be an evolutionary adaptation. And if it’s an adaptation, it must serve a purpose, right?
I argue that Hybristophilia increases a woman's survival chances, especially in times of war, famine, or under almost any other precarious environmental events.
To make my point I will ask you to think of two small tribes that go to war with each other. Let's say that the people in the first tribe are yellow, and the second tribe’s people are purple. Now, who will fight? The men of course! Let’s say that the yellow tribe wins and kill all the purple men. Now what will happen to the women from the losing side? They will become concubines or sex slaves for the yellow tribe, and their loyalty will slowly shift.
Biologically speaking, it advantageous for these women to be conquered by a stronger society. The victorious men will most likely be tougher, have better weapons, are more intelligent, have better technology, better health care, and will be equipped to provide and protect these women more efficiently than the losing men. Essentially, these conquered women are trading up from a weak society to a powerful one.
If for instance, a woman proclaimed that she would stay loyal to her defeated tribe, that she would never have sex and bear the children of the conquerors, then she would get killed and her DNA legacy would end there. Women who survived were always the one who opened their legs to the conquerors, and even if there were the occasional few who didn’t, they were either exiled or outright executed.
Women spread their legs for the conqueror. It has always been the case, and it will always be. And it doesn’t mean that women are evil, or that they do it willingly. Think about it from the perspective of a conquered woman. If a woman did not comply and refused to become a concubine for the winning faction of a war, she would die, and if she had young children, they would also perish. From an individual perspective, these women were smart. They protected themselves, and they saved their children. Some women probably hated it and did it while gritting their teeth, but it was still better than losing everything.
The side effect of this behavior is that we have bred women, over countless millennia, which doesn’t have any particular interest towards loyalty. This makes perfect sense, since being highly loyal to her tribe, village, kingdom, country, or even religion would undermine a woman’s survivability if a potential threat loomed in. In fact, being aroused by a conqueror, even if he is the man that killed many people that were related to her, is a significant evolutionary advantage for a woman. A woman who experiences pleasure from being raped by a dangerous man and quickly creates a bond with him is more likely to surrender, adapt, and survive. Securing a strong provider and protector by attaching herself to her rapist, especially in a situation where all of her relatives were killed, would drastically increase a woman’s survival chances. On the other hand, if she fought back, refusing to surrender in the process, the woman would vastly increase her chance of dying a meaningless and brutal death. So, can we really blame her?
In the Second World War, Germany occupied many countries such as France, Belgium, Netherland, Poland, and many more. Do you know what happened to the women in these conquered countries? They opened their legs for the Nazis.
When France was taken by the Germans, everyone was surprised that the invading newcomers did not go about raping the population. Instead, they handed out bread and tarts.
Moreover, they were so handsome and so brave in comparison with the drunken French soldiers who had surrendered the fight.
Soon, every young French girl was lusting after the newcomers as though they were allies, not enemies, standing on tip-toe to look into the interior of their limousines.
And French housewives, deprived of companionship while their soldier husbands were being held prisoner, were happily sleeping with the enemy.
Don’t misunderstand, during the German occupation of France there was rape, but thinking that the Nazis started a mass rape of the population would be delusional. In fact, there was a small baby boom during the Nazi occupation of France with over 200,000 illegitimate Franco-German children being born!
Often, it was just a matter of young women willingly entering into a relationship with the German soldiers, but many of them did so for the perks they would receive, such as extra rations or quality food, access to forbidden luxury goods such as perfume and stockings, or freedom from certain restrictions.
When the Nazis were pushed back, and the French reclaimed their country, there was a social branding targeted at women who slept with the Nazis, especially for those who were pregnant with a German child. They were seen as traitors and whores. French men were utterly bewildered and felt betrayed. They couldn’t believe that their beloved partners so easily slept with the enemy. Even today, this subject is a major taboo in France.
If women can spread their legs for the Nazis, it is simply because they are programmed to do so. The same thing happened when Europeans entered Japan in the colonial era. Europeans were far stronger than the Japanese men, mainly because of guns, and waves of Asian women opened their legs for the powerful and influential foreigners.
Evolution is impartial, and hypergamy dictates that females will aim for the silverback gorilla, and it doesn’t matter which one it is, even if that gorilla is a Nazi.
To me, the fact that women could become aroused by the ‘‘enemy’’ in such significant numbers is an opportunity to peek into the female psyche with a spyglass.
Have you ever looked at the studies done on arousal during rape and ‘‘rape orgasm’’?
To quickly sum up the research, a litany of therapists have found that the majority of their women clients who were raped experienced lubrication and arousal during the dreadful event, and in around 5% of the cases, they had an orgasm. Numerous therapists think that the actual figure of orgasm during rape is higher than 5% because of the sheer number of confessions they hear during their practice. Orgasm during rape does not mean that the act was consensual in any way or that the victim wasn't hurt by her aggressor.
But being defenseless while being dominated by a powerful man is such a big seller for women that the infamous book ‘‘Fifty Shades of Gray’’ that features a rich man taking control of a young woman’s life trough BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, and submission), sold over 500 000 copies in the UK alone in the first five days of its sale. When you take into consideration that rape fantasy is women's favorite fiction genre of all time and that their body and mind literally ‘‘betray’’ them by letting them experience a thrilling pleasure during a genuine rape... one might consider this: Female desire is driven by ‘‘being desired’’. It is inherently narcissistic.
To illustrate the appeal of the rape fantasy, and to depict why female desire is intrinsically narcissistic, I will borrow the words of Canadian sexologist Meredith Chivers:
[‘‘A woman is pinned against an alley wall, being ravished. The ravisher is so overcome by a craving focused on this particular woman that he cannot contain himself; he transgresses societal codes in order to seize her, and she, feeling herself to be the unique object of his desire, is electrified by her own reactive charge and surrenders. She feels the thrill of being wanted so much that the aggressor is willing to overpower, to take.’’]
The thrill of being wanted. In her article titled ‘‘Is women’s sexuality profoundly narcissistic? That would explain a lot.’’ Janet Bloomfield wrote the following:
[‘‘Women howl that they want to be valued for more than just their looks, that their looks should not matter, but the standard of beauty in any given society at any given time consists of those indicators that suggest reproductive fitness, which is what triggers male desire, which is required for women’s sexual fulfillment. And not just a little desire. A lot.
Whether they are in a relationship or not, the need to be desired, overwhelmingly desired by men, is central to women’s libido and lust. Women don’t need a female version of Viagra. They need a trip to the hair salon, a gym membership and some lip gloss.
It’s all about the fantasy of being irresistible. Of controlling men so thoroughly. It’s about being the object of unendurable desire. Women’s lust proceeds from their own internal need to feel special, beautiful, wanted, high status.’’]
If a woman was put alone on a desert island with enough food and water to survive, along with a reliable shelter, her libido would probably shrink by a fair margin. If there isn’t anyone to lust after her, the female will have no reason to get horny. However, if a man was in the same situation, he would be just as aroused as he would have been in society, and the chances are that he would masturbate to ‘‘curvy’’ rocks that reminds him of the female form.
With that said, I have a theory on the ‘‘lesbian bed death’’ phenomenon. I argue that a woman will never be able to satisfy another woman’s narcissistic sexual desires. A woman lacks the enormous lust that men innately possess, which endlessly regenerates and is necessary to make a woman feel desired. This leaves lesbian partners at a dead end, as neither of them can satisfy the narcissistic needs of the other. Thus, sexual attraction in lesbian couples quickly ceases to exist. I am persuaded that this is why lesbian couples have little to no sex. A woman cannot make her female partner lust over her, and she cannot lust over her partner either. That is, when a woman’s narcissistic ego cannot be satisfied in a sexual relationship, she stops having sex.
But I digress. If rape is arousing for women, if it is a biological instinct that they can't really help nor control, then what keeps women from being aroused by a ‘‘conqueror’’?
In fact, it might be highly arousing. When a powerful outsider invades her country and seizes everything for himself, and when this powerful man desires her, craves her, the woman might just feel thrilled. Knowing this, I do not think that it is surprising when women spread their legs for a conqueror. And again, this does not make women evil, or less human. But the fact that they are prone to this kind of behaviors will be something I call them on in the same way that I will call on a man when he does something wrong. Let women have their agency and be responsible for their choices.
French women sleeping with Nazi:
Arousal during rape:
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